"Tonight, Tonight"
I should not even have gone.
Prom sucked. Not for anyone else. Nope, just me.
I almost cried directly after dinner at Buca's. I cried a bit halfway into prom. I bawled the entire van ride home. With four other people in there.
I have lived my life thus far with no regrets. Seriously. I remember looking back and thinking that I regretted nothing. Well, here's the first. I regret going to junior prom.
Why did I go single? Was I out of my mind to think that I could handle it? Yes. Yes, indeed. I knew it wasn't going to be the greatest dance ever, but I never thought it would be the worst. It goes below sophomore Homecoming when everyone ditched me to go to the pool party I wasn't invited to and the only company I had were freshmenI didn't even know.
I had strangers come up tonight, saying that they would share their boyfriend with me if I wanted to dance. Sure, I lied and acted like my feet were tired and I was going to dance with my boyfriend any minute, but that hurt. People I didn't even know were coming up and practically throwing their dates at me (and they weren't even pawning the guys on me!) so I would be able to have fun like everyone else. I am that pathetic. And as I looked around, I realized how much I have never felt (in a romantic sense). Ever. Like a guy's arms wrapped around me while we're slow-dancing. Never. I get hit on so much, but no guy has ever wanted a serious relationship with me after getting to know me, and that just makes me feel like I'm in gym again, where I'm the last one picked for someone's team, with cries of "Not her!" and "Hey, Coach, why don't we send her to the other team? We'll just be short a player. No big deal." I've never been given that chance to say, "Hey! I can be a good girlfriend! I just might be a little slower to open up, and I will never meet your expectations of me when you compare me to other girls, but I'm just as good and just as worthy! " I want the one guy who tries, the one who will see me as I am and not run away.
Like that'll happen.
Prom sucked. Not for anyone else. Nope, just me.
I almost cried directly after dinner at Buca's. I cried a bit halfway into prom. I bawled the entire van ride home. With four other people in there.
I have lived my life thus far with no regrets. Seriously. I remember looking back and thinking that I regretted nothing. Well, here's the first. I regret going to junior prom.
Why did I go single? Was I out of my mind to think that I could handle it? Yes. Yes, indeed. I knew it wasn't going to be the greatest dance ever, but I never thought it would be the worst. It goes below sophomore Homecoming when everyone ditched me to go to the pool party I wasn't invited to and the only company I had were freshmenI didn't even know.
I had strangers come up tonight, saying that they would share their boyfriend with me if I wanted to dance. Sure, I lied and acted like my feet were tired and I was going to dance with my boyfriend any minute, but that hurt. People I didn't even know were coming up and practically throwing their dates at me (and they weren't even pawning the guys on me!) so I would be able to have fun like everyone else. I am that pathetic. And as I looked around, I realized how much I have never felt (in a romantic sense). Ever. Like a guy's arms wrapped around me while we're slow-dancing. Never. I get hit on so much, but no guy has ever wanted a serious relationship with me after getting to know me, and that just makes me feel like I'm in gym again, where I'm the last one picked for someone's team, with cries of "Not her!" and "Hey, Coach, why don't we send her to the other team? We'll just be short a player. No big deal." I've never been given that chance to say, "Hey! I can be a good girlfriend! I just might be a little slower to open up, and I will never meet your expectations of me when you compare me to other girls, but I'm just as good and just as worthy! " I want the one guy who tries, the one who will see me as I am and not run away.
Like that'll happen.
3 Comments:
At 8:35 PM,
Evey said…
Yeah. Being picked last and then not being wanted on the team you end up on bites.
At 9:18 PM,
Anonymous said…
Romance is unimportant, Sarah, unless you make it so. And unless you're going to go out and pursue that "guy of your dreams" or whatever, it is pointless to be unhappy about your lack of a boyfriend. You have many other, much more important things to do, and you do them well. If you really want to find that "special someone", then apply yourself to that, and I'm sure you'll be successful.
At 11:56 AM,
chopstick_gurl said…
I know, I know. But I like complaining. :P Besides, the problem only intensified at prom, along with other issues. (Ugh.)
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